Hey everyone! I know, I know, its been a long time! Life has been.... LIFE. A lot has gone on since I last posted, but today I felt the need to send out a message to anyone who may still subscribe to this blog.
Today is October 19, 2021. When I woke up today it felt slightly different. I was riding home from having breakfast with my parents and thoughts started to overcome me. The weather today in Michigan is treating us nice. The sun was shining bright today. It wasn't too cold or too hot, but just right. It felt the same this day, 10 years ago.
I took Mylah to her annual physical yesterday. When we were done the nurse was attempting to make her appointment for next year. She asked "How's October 19, 2022?. I paused, a slight grumble grew in my stomach. I felt uneasy, I didn't know how to respond. "Umm, do you have anything for the next day?" "Sure" she replied.
I thought to myself ,"We do NOT do appointments on my birthday". The thoughts and feelings started to flash in my mind.
Today marks the 10 year anniversary of the day we began this journey. 10 years ago, I made the appt choosing this date as the day to hopefully find out what the gender of our unborn baby would be. I thought my 31st birthday would be a great day to get such a gift. I wasn't even prepared for the news we'd receive that day and the week afterwards. That week in October 2021 was such an emotional rollercoaster. That morning was filled with excitement and anticipation but very quickly it turned to fear, confusion, and uncertainty.
I will never forget this date 10 years ago and how much that moment changed my life. I can recall that week; the hopeless prognosis given for Mylah. I remember the cold, emotionless tone in the voice of the doctor. Listening to him recite all the things that Mylah would never be able to do. Of all the things, the one that stood out most was that she would never be able to smile. Never smile. The facial expression that is the nonverbal form of joy and happiness. This physician was telling me that my baby would not be able to express joy and happiness? What would her life be like? What is a life void of joy and happiness?
Well I'm happy I didn't listen to him and take everything he said literally. Yes, there are been some rough days in our journey, what life doesn't have its moments? But joy and happiness is something that is in my life with Mylah at all times. Even those days when it gets overwhelming or when it's not going great, I still try to find the joy and happiness where I can.
I am reminded by that great big SMILE that she displays many times throughout the day. Each time I greet her in the morning and every time I say her name, she allows her joy and happiness to shine. Her smile is the most beautiful thing to me. It has a way of making everything ok again. It's like witnessing my own personal rainbow each and every day and I'm forever grateful. Of all things that he spoke of that day, I'm so happy that this is the something he was wrong about.
The last 10 years have been eventful to say the least. With every setback, there is a triumph. For every negative, there are 100 positives. I've had to make a lot of decisions for Mylahs life over the last 10 years, I don't see that stopping any time soon but of all the decisions I've made, choosing to carry her was the best decision I ever made.
Even though todays date has some horrible memories attached to it, I'm thankful for another year of life. Not only for myself, but for Mylah as well. Looking back on that day 10 years ago, I can honestly say that I didn't think we would be here; finishing up my birthday dinner with my family, taking her braids down to prepare for her bath. Putting on her favorite cartoon(The Princess & the Frog) to play on her iPad to help her wind down for the night, kissing her goodnight, telling her that I love her, and seeing that beautiful, bright smile stare back at me to let me know, "I'm still here with you mama". Thank you kiddo, for bringing joy and happiness back to my birthdate.
I hope each person who reads this is well and hope to post again soon. Sending our love!