What A Difference a Year Makes.....

This day October, 19, 2011... I remember it so vividly.

Waking up, not knowing what to expect. Anticipation had been building for weeks. I wouldn't be at work to cross THIS day off my calendar. I made it. No more wondering. We needed to be on time. I wanted everything to go right. I had no expectations. Either way I would be happy but I knew how I wished the outcome would be.
As we prepared to leave the house, I knew that in a few hours my life would no longer be the same. I was ready to jump right into this new chapter.
Riding down the freeway my mind began to wander. Thoughts ran through my head. Butterflies in my stomach.

"What do you want, a boy or girl?" 

This question is posed to pregnant women time and time again. Most times women respond by saying,

 "It doesn't matter, I just want a healthy baby"

But what would YOU do if the baby you carried, the baby you prayed for, the child you longed for, the daughter you wished for, or the son you tried years for wasn't healthy?

What would YOU do if the ultrasound appointment you made on your 31st birthday didn't go as planned? What if it threw you into a world that is seldom seen? 

As I laid on the table, the tech at my stomach, I could see tell everyone in the room wanted to know what this baby was? A girl or boy?  Silence................ 

"There is something wrong" I thought to myself, "I know it is, this is taking too long". With each minute that passed, I grew more & more concerned. I tried to get rid of the thoughts in my head, but in my gut I knew I was going to hear something that I didn't want to hear. I wasn't prepared. 
Juwan and I tried 2 years for THIS baby.  I did everything right. I'd taken prenatal vitamins for 3 years to prepare for THIS moment. It's my birthday, I am only prepared for good news.  Who gets bad news on their birthday? I picked this day to find out the sex of my baby because I knew it would be the best present I could ever get.  I'm supposed to go on a shopping binge after this appointment. I have it all planned out. 

I tried to calm myself down...... Positive thoughts... Positive thoughts. 

Time passed. The doctor entered. He looked. He left. The tech looked more. We were moved. The doctor looked more. He confirmed my worst fears. There was something wrong with my baby. 
I cried continuously for days. 

Earlier this week I got kind of down. Only because I remember how it felt last year. I got upset because I thought that I'd ruined my birthdate because it would forever be overcast with receiving bad news. 
Then I realized that my 31st birthday was the turning point in my life. It was the beginning of a journey that would test my strength, perseverance, determination, and faith. 

1 year ago. I googled Trisomy 18 and was introduced to something that would change my life. Who knew that a condition that I never heard of would become part of my everyday conversations. 

Trisomy 18 has turned me into a educator, motivator, supporter, confidante, & advocate. 

One year ago I never expected to be where I am today. I've learned so much, experienced much more and gained an abundance of knowledge. I know my purpose. 

Mylah isn't how I pictured her. She's not the baby I saw in my dreams. She is made the way GOD wanted her to be. I wouldn't want her any other way, because he made her PERFECT for me. 

Thank you all for your prayers this last year. The support, love, care & concern has REALLY helped me and I will continue to press on. 

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13 (NIV)


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