Pride...do I have too much?
I remember a about a little over a year ago I reached out to help this homeless woman. I noticed her standing at a traffic light each day on my way home from work. Every day I'd pass her, not knowing anything about her journey but wondering what events brought her to her current state. Job loss, mental disability, drugs? I wasn't really sure. I continuously thought how hard it must be for her to trek to this potentially dangerous intersection each day to hold up a sign, dingy & covered with grime with words that pleaded for any assistance one could offer.
Each day I drove past this woman with those thoughts. How could I help her? What could I do? I wasn't really comfortable with giving her money because I didn't know where it would go.
Then one day I drove home in the rain. Big droplets of rain pounded on my windshield so fast that my windshield wipers couldn't keep up. Strong gusts of wind attempted to steer my vehicle in the opposite direction. As I approached the spot where this woman usually stood I was positive that she wouldn't be standing out in this weather, but there she was. Standing at the side of the road, in the middle of the rain & not only being drenched by the rain that fell from above but also being splashed as cars sped past her in a rush not caring that this person, a human being was standing only feet from the puddles that disintegrated upon impact with their tires. Her hair was stuck to her face, her shirt covered with water, not a dry spot in sight. I was so hurt when I saw her. I continued driving making an effort to not speed past her so that she would be spared another puddle shower. "I need to do something!", I thought.
Super Kmart was right there. I made the michigan left & ran inside. Shirts, a poncho & I needed a umbrella for myself. I drove up to her, luckily the light was red. Honked my horn & she approached. I told her I didn't have any money to give her but that I bought her the shirts & poncho. She gave me a smile, said thank you a few times & God Bless.
The light turned green & I drove off. It felt good. I knew in my heart I had done the right thing. Later on doubt set in; I wondered if she would use the items I gave her or would she just throw them away. I couldn't ponder over it, I did what I was supposed to do. The next day my worries went away as I drove past her & saw her wearing the poncho & one of the shirts I bought her.
Helping others is something that is like second nature to me. However, it is VERY hard for me to accept help from people because I've always been the type to handle things on my own. In response to questions about needing anything my response will always be "We are good" because I just feel that certain situations aren't for others to stress over. I recognize that people who care want to help & that the giving is sincere & requires no "payback". When I do things for people I don't expect a payback because I give/help/volunteer out of the love that's in my heart & I enjoy helping others.
Twice this week we've been the recipients of kind acts from people who just want to help. Had these individuals approached me beforehand I most certainly would have turned down their desire to assist especially when it comes to financial assistance.
A friend of mine requested my address earlier this week. On Thursday, as I left for work I grabbed the mail and amongst the bills & circulars was a card from her. I had tears in my eyes when I read the words because they were so touching (if you know me you know that I LOVE cards). She said that GOD had placed it on her heart to send us a blessing. I immediately said to myself "she did not have to do that"... but she did. Another friend that same day, sent me a text saying that she hadn't been to see Mylah because she had a little cough but that she had some things that her church donated to us and wanted to make sure we got the items. They also wanted to give us some assistance with our Ronald McDonald house bill. Once again, I thought "that was not necessary", but they did.
Everyone handles & adapts to situations differently. When you are so used to being there for other people and always trying to help others it's hard when the tables are turned. Enduring this journey causes you to self reflect. I'm not saying that the pride I have is a bad thing but sometimes it can hinder me because trying to "handle it" all the time isn't always possible. I have to accept that if I've asked GOD to be my protector, provider, and my guide then I have to recognize when he is sending his people to help us. Simply stated... I get it.
Our tentative discharge date is September 18th. Tentative because we have to secure private duty nursing, & ensure that the electrical upgrades that are required to support Mylah's ventilator(s) are completed. I pray that things will continue to fall into place. I really look forward to having Mylah back home and hopefully celebrating her 6th month birthday there.
I just would like to thank each person that has come to visit Mylah, has sent her gifts, has come to spend time with us & have sent items to help ease the weight of this journey. No matter how big or small the gesture is in size it all means so much to us. I will never be able to say thank you enough. I'm very thankful for the support, prayers, encouragement, and love that is projected our way. Please keep us in your prayers.