Thursday, May 24, 2012

2 Months.....

have gone by so quickly!  It seems like just yesterday I was preparing for Mylah's arrival and look at us now! Celebrating 60 days of the most beautiful being that GOD has placed in my life.  Mylah's personality is starting to show bit by bit.  I know that she is one strong little girl!  I'm always thankful for the time that I've been given with her.  Having Mylah in my life gives me purpose. I have so much that I want to accomplish now. She is the driving force that makes me want to be sure that those things are achieved. 

I'm back to work now, still getting in the swing of things. I'm really thankful for the blessings I've been given especially in my younger sister. She just graduated from college with her Bachelor of Science in Nursing. She's currently studying for her license exam so she's been keeping Mylah for us. If it wasn't for her I'm not sure what I would have done.  So returning to work was actually not as hard as I had anticipated. I remember leaving for work on Monday saying to myself "I think I'm supposed to be crying". I wondered what was wrong with me because no matter how hard I closed my eyes the tears wouldn't form. Then I realized that Mylah was in good hands. She's with someone who loves her and wouldn't do anything to harm her & who better than my own sister to care for her.   It's all in HIS plan & slowly I'm starting to let go & realize that things are happening because it's HIS plan being carried out, not my own.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Back to our regularly scheduled program.....

Tomorrow I return.. back to work... back to the grind... back to the 9-5 (7-3:30 in my case)...

I worked a full 41 weeks and 1 day before I left on maternity leave. I worked the day before I was induced. I remember before I left telling people that if they had questions about my work to call me; how I wouldn't mind... So glad that not everyone took me up on my offer!  I'm kind of excited to return to work. I miss my friends and co-workers. I miss the organized chaos of corporate America.

I'm interested to see how this is gonna work out. I left 31, pregnant, without a child, not knowing what would happen. I'm returning 31, with a little extra weight in the stomach area lol,  the mother of a Trisomy 18 miracle who is fighting to beat all odds that are against her.  I can remember sitting at my desk many days wondering if I would be returning with pictures & stories of how Mylah was growing or returning to hugs of sympathy because of her death. 

I've arranged my photo album; because I know that's the 1st question most will have.  I ordered a mouse pad with pictures of Mylah that should be here next week. I created a collage with my favorite pictures of her for my wall, and now her & Myles will have to share the space on my desktop. The only thing I'm thinking about is how fast I'm going to run out of that office at 3:30 to get home to my baby.

Friday we traveled back to the hospital to find out the results of the cardiology surgeons discussion as it relates to Mylah's candidacy for heart surgery to repair the holes in her heart.  Surprisingly I wasn't nervous until we were walking into the waiting room.  I'd made up in my mind that I was 99.9% sure that I wanted surgery for Mylah.  I prayed about it and asked GOD to send me signs on which way I should go.  Open heart surgery is a major surgery even for a baby without Trisomy 18.  God showed me that Mylah is supposed to be here. Look at all the things that people said would most likely happen by now that haven't come to fruition. She is one strong little girl, a little miracle! Each day he breathes air into her lungs is another milestone (she'll be 2 months on Thursday). 

I thought the hardest decision I would have to make was made on Friday, but low & behold, another hill to climb. The cardiologist informed us that they did discuss Mylah's options. 2 surgeons were willing to perform surgery if that's what we decided, but how they would go about it is the dilemma. One said that if he/she operated they would do the full open heart surgery. This would mean fixing the holes in Mylah's heart and the PDA. The other surgeon said that he/she would do Pulmonary Artery Banding surgery which entails placing bands around Mylah's arteries to protect her lungs; making it a little easier for her, also allowing her to grow a little more thus maybe opting for open heart surgery later on in her life.

Both surgeries have risks associated, but speaking with the physician he indicated that Mylah may be able to tolerate the Pulmonary Banding surgery a little better. Ultimately, it's another decision that we must make.  He (the cardiologist) was satisfied with Mylah's progress so a decision isn't needed right now. He indicated that she was actually doing a lot better than she was 2 weeks ago.  She is gaining weight (now 6lbs) which is a sign that her heart isn't stressing too much. So back to the LORD I go for more signs on which way we should go as we have come to another fork in the road.

Whatever decision we make I know it won't be an easy one. It's never easy for a parent to make a decision that affects their child's life.  You find yourself doubting every decision. There is no easy rationale.  Either decision has a major affect on Mylah's life and it's length, but just as God has guided my steps before I'm sure he won't leave me alone now.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Updated pictures..

Mylah took some pictures last week. I was so honored that Sherry Kruzman asked if she could shoot Mylah. I've posted some of her pics below.

I'm just winding down from my 1st official Mother's Day. Today was a day that I will hold in my heart forever. I received so many cards, messages, & gifts that I am so overjoyed!

I don't take my role as Mylah's mother lightly and I'm glad that I was picked to be her mother! She has made me so happy. I felt my love grow for her all day.  The cards that I received meant so much to me! ( I love cards) Especially the ones with the personal messages wrote on the inside.

I never thought today would come, but I know that it was all in GOD's plan and not my own. I'm glad he made me wait because it taught me to appreciate it more than ever.

I will post another blog this week but I wanted to post these pictures of Mylah for all to see!

A special THANK YOU to Sherry Kruzman Photography for her beautiful photos!

Photo by Toya Thornton (Mylah's Auntie)

Mylah & Me on Mother's Day!

Mylah holding my 1st Mother's Day card
Photo By Sherry Kruzman Photography

Photo by Sherry Kruzman Photography

Photo by Sherry Kruzman Photography
Thank you for visiting!

Happy Mother's Day!!!!!

I would first like to say " Happy Mother's Day" to all the mothers that visit my blog!  I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing day!

This is my 1st Mother's day. I actually never thought I would be able to celebrate this day as a mother.  Last year, I remember being over my parents house on the back porch with my mom, husband, and new nephew. I held him in my arms and the tears began to fall. My mother said to me
"Mina, your time will come baby". I knew she could see straight to the desire of my heart.  Who knew one year later that my time would come.

Each year I have a long list of women who I send Mother's day cards to.  Being a mother is a gift that has been given. Not every woman is able to conceive and bear children. Motherhood is not to be taken lightly.

When I found out I was pregnant I remember feeling so lucky. Even after trying to conceive for almost 2 years I remember feeling that I was blessed because there were other women in the world who would never be able to be in the moment I was in. Each month as my baby grew I remember telling myself to cherish the time that I had with my baby.  When it was confirmed that Mylah was a girl, I felt so proud to be able to say I had a daughter and I wanted to give her the life that my mother gave me.  In my mind I ran through how I would discipline her,  how I would comfort her if a boy broke her heart, how I would show her to stick up for herself and be a leader,  I would push her to follow her dreams & show her that she would never be too young to begin to achieve greatness, and  I would love her so much and tell her each day I had the chance.

I see so many women; Mothers, who are so lost.  They don't have a clue & don't seem to comprehend what they've been given in their role as mother.  Some seem as though motherhood is a joke or hassle.  Being a mother is the hardest job a person can have. There are no yearly raises based on performance, no vacation or sick days, no one to cover your shift. Mothers must always been on top of things, always on their feet. Mothers have to be coach, mentor, doctor, chef, & nurse all at once. And some mother's never even get a "thank you",  but some children also never even get a mother even though the woman who birthed them may be there.

Now that I am older I realize how hard it is to be a mother. An adult doesn't have to be a mother to see the sacrifices a mom makes for her child. Being a mother takes courage and maturity. It takes love and patience. Mothers must nurture & be compassionate. Mothers must also know how to forgive and provide guidance.

I woke up today to my daughter squirming around in her bassinet. I picked her up and looked at her in those big eyes. I smiled at her. I kissed her on the cheek and closed my eyes to soak up the moment. I woke up today; on Mother's day a mother to my own child.  She has brought me so much happiness in these 7 weeks.  I love that she is mine, I don't have to drop her off or wait for her mother to pick her up. She came from me, I carried her for 41 weeks and 2 days.  I feed her, I change her diapers, I bathe her & talk to her, I worry about her.  She is in my every thought.  She has shown me that there is a love that is bigger than I could have ever imagined.  She makes me want to be better, do better, achieve more, and keep going.  She calms me and soothes me. She brings tears to my eyes for no reason.  I will do all I can for her and more. I will go without before she will.  I will protect her, I will speak for her, I will fight for her.  I am Mylah's mother & that's something that no one can take from me.

Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers! You are loved
Happy Mother's Day to all the women who have taken in a child and given them a home & love. Happy Mother's Day to all the women who have stepped up in the absence of another mother! 
Happy Mother's Day to all the men who play the role of father & mother!(there are many out there)
Happy Mother's Day to all the women who are struggling to conceive! Stay positive
Happy Mother's Day to all the women whose children have been called home early-May you have peace in the memories you hold in your heart. 
Happy Mothers Day to all the women who have adopted children!
Happy Mother's Day to all the women who chose life for their child!
Happy Mother's Day to all the women whose children were born with angel wings- You are a Mother and I celebrate you!
Happy Mother's Day to all my fellow Trisomy mothers!

Last but certainly not least, Happy Mother's Day to my mother.  There are no words, no gifts, no Hallmark cards that could express my gratitude. You are my rock. You loved me first! You gave me guidance. You made the sacrifices for me and my sisters. You have always been strong and I know I can always come to you with anything! You continued to pray for me when I couldn't pray for myself!  I know I couldn't have made it without you. You stayed by my side during my pregnancy. You cried with me and rejoiced with me! You were my shoulder to cry on and you cried with me.  I know there were days when you didn't know if you could continue being strong but you did it for our family and for me!  I couldn't ask for a better mother. GOD knew who I needed and why I would need you.  I love you mama with all my heart and if I can be even half the mother & wife you are I know I will be great! Thank you for loving & protecting me. Thank you for being there when I needed you most and when I may have thought I could do it on my own! I LOVE YOU & I hope you enjoy your 31st Mother's Day!