I realized that I'd built up so much anticipation and planned for her early arrival that I never gave ANY thought to the fact that she wouldn't be here by yesterday. It's getting very hard to go to work everyday. It's not the stress of the job but the stress of "what people are going to say today". I understand though that people are very excited to meet my daughter so I try to be polite with each response that I give and I remind myself that Mylah is already loved by so many people.
From the beginning of my pregnancy I had planned to work up until I delivered, but never thought I would literally be walking into my job on my due date. My co-workers are very surprised at the fact that I'm still working everyday. I feel great so I don't feel the need to ask to be taken off. Once I get home each day I usually lounge around, lately I've been walking a lot. The house is as clean as it's going to get, plus if I'm sitting at home I may allow my worries to get the best of me. I feel better being at work, occupying my time & being productive. Its actually therapeutic for me and helps the time pass by. I can honestly say though that I do get irritated each Sunday night that I have to prepare for work for the following Monday LOL.
Another frustration is the fact that my youngest sister, an out of state college student who has been home since March 3rd, is preparing to go back to school on Sunday and still no Mylah.
It's a sad realization that my sister probably will miss the delivery of her first niece and with the diagnosis I'm just praying that they get a chance to meet each other. This has been the source of my stress lately. I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm faced with a harsh reality. I know that Mylah has defied many odds that have been placed against her but I still understand the possibilities and that's very hurtful & scary.
People can tell me every day that I'm strong & that Mylah is going to be fine, but until you've walked a day in my shoes and your are tasked with the decisions that I'm facing you can never understand what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling this way.
I don't have anymore predictions. I don't know when she is going to come. I don't know what is going to happen and I don't know who is going to be there. All I can do is wait, stay prayerful and ask GOD to give me the strength to deal with whatever he is going to place in front of me.