Isn't It Funny....

how life works out? Years ago you could not have told me I would be in the place I'm in now.  We play out in our minds how our life & life's circumstances will be.  Most times you don't factor in the times of sadness, turmoil, heartache, and/or uncertainty. 

In my mind, my pregnancy was going to be perfect. I would be surrounded by all my friends & family.  My mom & I would go register for what the baby would need, we would hit the mall every weekend shopping for my little bundle of joy.  My husband with my father's help would set up the furniture for Baby Perkins' nursery.  My sisters would help me clean my house from top to bottom to prepare for the arrival for our little blessing because they would be so excited about the arrival their first nephew/niece. My best friends would help me plan my shower, I would immerse myself in every baby book I could find trying to memorize the numerous tips & tricks in raising a child. I would be fully prepared for the delivery of our first child. Baby Perkins would be born ... And we'd all live Happily Ever After.

My reality contains  some of what my dream was... My mom & I did go register a few weeks ago for my shower. In my dream I had a laundry list of items that I had researched & it would take hours for me to finish. The reality is that although I was excited about registering once I arrived at the store it was quite painful. The Trisomy diagnosis had actually stolen a lot of my joy. My sisters are excited but it seems that the excitement is clouded by the uncertainty.  The nursery is cluttered with my crafting items & furniture that I had anticipated selling but I lack the motivation to get it moving.  I only have one baby book, but I'm missing the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting a Trisomy Baby". No tips or tricks can prepare me for what's to come.  I sent out baby shower invites on Monday & people have been texting me with excitement but it seems like my excitement at times is short lived.

I know GOD is giving me the strength I need to get through each day & I'm continuing to lean on HIM. That's what I've decided to do, take it one day at a time & cherish each moment.  We took some maternity photos & in those pictures I was finally able to see what everyone else has been seeing.  My belly! A nice big growing belly with Mylah tucked inside. She's a active little something, she's mostly active during the evening & she LOVES pizza!

Those pictures really lifted my spirits, they brought happiness back to me. They confirmed that we have a fighter on our hands. I'm getting bigger which means she's getting bigger. She's not giving up. She's moving & telling me "mommy I'm still here with you".

This journey has showed me that nothing is perfect & things sometime will not turn out the way you want them. It doesn't mean you can't have what was in your dreams & in my dream I had a baby! That's been my prayer lately to meet my child & if GOD gives me that I know I can live Happily Ever After.