To Shower or Not To Shower?????

That's my dilemma... Do I have my baby shower or not? Time is winding down for me to make my decision.  Each day my decision changes.  There are so many things that factor into my decision.  I never imagined that I'd be faced with making this decision. For years I've been planning my own baby shower. Yes! planning my own, it's my decision & I won't have it any other way.  In July when I found out I was pregnant, I went into party planning mode. Referencing the MANY bookmarks, pics, notepads that I had acquired over the years while planning other parties.  Those closest to me know that I love a party & I'd been waiting so long to celebrate becoming a mother.  I remember coming home after the confirmed Trisomy 18 confirmation & erasing the Baby Shower bookmark folder housed on the toolbar of my browser, it was just too painful.

Now, each day I find myself making a different decision on whether to have our shower or not.  I feel  if I don't then I'm just as cold as the physicians who told us "the baby's fate is sealed" &  she should be celebrated. Then I feel if I do & God decides to take Mylah after the shower then I'll be stuck with so many painful reminders; toys that she'll never play with, clothes she'll never wear, a stroller she'll never sit in & a crib she'll never sleep in.

One of my friends suggested having the shower after she arrives, but I know as a first time mother  & with Mylah's condition a shower will be the LAST thing on my mind. I'll only be concerned with spending every waking minute with her.
One of my thoughts was if we have the shower & God does call her home, then we would donate all the gifts to a charity in her name.  I hate feeling like this

I'm still unsure but I'll continue praying for guidance.


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