New Arrival....
Today we received a gift. A Fetal Doppler. A group of my friends at work gave us money to purchase a Fetal Doppler, so that we can listen to Mylah's heart whenever we want. I'm so happy to receive this gift. I've already listened to her heart & it gave me so much joy.
Been having some rough days lately. The tears never seem to stop flowing. I got out this weekend for a little retail therapy with my mom. It very hard trying to make myself enjoy something that I once loved to do, but of course my priorities have changed.
It felt like at every turn there was a woman who was pregnant happily moving about through the mall.
While we were trying to get pregnant I would look at pregnant women or women with their children & wonder if she is a good mother, does her child feel loved, does she know how lucky she is.
Once I got pregnant, the questions changed; "I wonder what she's having?", " I wonder if she's excited", I wonder if I'll look like her the further I go into my pregnancy?". Now with the Trisomy 18 diagnosis the thoughts again have changed, I just find myself staring; staring at the bulging bellies of the mothers in the shoe department, with not a care in the world. Staring at the mothers filling up their baskets in the children's department, preparing for the arrival of their newest baby. Wondering if I will ever have that happiness.
I had to force myself to buy Mylah some cute onesie's because I felt I had the right to, but felt guilty about the purchases later on. Wondering if I was setting myself up for a heartbreak, will she ever get to wear them? or will I have to make the painful trip to return them because she didn't make it.
It's very hard to stay strong & positive when the future is so uncertain. It's hard to put up a facade of happiness when deep inside the pain is so strong. We've gotten so many cards & so many have reached out to us its amazing! I find some solace in the many Youtube Videos & blogs from the parents of children who have Trisomy 18, 13, 21. I admire their strength & determination. Though most of the children in the videos & blogs have passed on to heaven, the time the parents shared with the children is priceless. I just hope I can be as strong as those parents have been.
Here is one of the videos that really made me smile & cry(tears of joy). It's inspiring & showing how these children have beaten the odds!
Been having some rough days lately. The tears never seem to stop flowing. I got out this weekend for a little retail therapy with my mom. It very hard trying to make myself enjoy something that I once loved to do, but of course my priorities have changed.
It felt like at every turn there was a woman who was pregnant happily moving about through the mall.
While we were trying to get pregnant I would look at pregnant women or women with their children & wonder if she is a good mother, does her child feel loved, does she know how lucky she is.
Once I got pregnant, the questions changed; "I wonder what she's having?", " I wonder if she's excited", I wonder if I'll look like her the further I go into my pregnancy?". Now with the Trisomy 18 diagnosis the thoughts again have changed, I just find myself staring; staring at the bulging bellies of the mothers in the shoe department, with not a care in the world. Staring at the mothers filling up their baskets in the children's department, preparing for the arrival of their newest baby. Wondering if I will ever have that happiness.
I had to force myself to buy Mylah some cute onesie's because I felt I had the right to, but felt guilty about the purchases later on. Wondering if I was setting myself up for a heartbreak, will she ever get to wear them? or will I have to make the painful trip to return them because she didn't make it.
It's very hard to stay strong & positive when the future is so uncertain. It's hard to put up a facade of happiness when deep inside the pain is so strong. We've gotten so many cards & so many have reached out to us its amazing! I find some solace in the many Youtube Videos & blogs from the parents of children who have Trisomy 18, 13, 21. I admire their strength & determination. Though most of the children in the videos & blogs have passed on to heaven, the time the parents shared with the children is priceless. I just hope I can be as strong as those parents have been.
Here is one of the videos that really made me smile & cry(tears of joy). It's inspiring & showing how these children have beaten the odds!
Mina,
ReplyDeleteBeautiful blog!!
You are such a strong woman of God and he recognizes your strength!! In the mist of pain, you are encouraging others and God will Bless You for that {just as he did me}!!
Given the conditions, it is natural to feel the many different emotions about if u should purchase items. With my daughter being diagnosed with Trisomy 13, I remember struggling about if I should purchase a crib and what colors would look best!! Right now it is hard, but with every passing day God will strengthen you more than you could imagine. God loves Mylah and only wants the BEST for HER, just as you, Juwan, and all of us do; continue to stand on the word and know that it's all in God's Divine Plan!
It hurts me to know what you are going thru, because I experienced the same exact emotions and feelings for my daughter. Know that I am here for you if u need me...I don't care what time it is...moring, noon or night...I'll inbox u my #.
Love,
Cindy