Sunday, July 5, 2015

Happy Heart Day Mylah!!!!!

I remember my nerves being on edge waiting for the word; Good or Bad. Praying that God surrounded the room and blessed every hand that would be touching hers. Trying hard to keep it together on the outside, but falling apart on the inside.  Being amongst other families; witnessing how it all came crashing down when bad news came. Watching the tears fall, and the heads shake in disbelief. What would our outcome be?

Mylah was only 3 months old and just under 7lbs. We worked hard to help her gain as much weight as possible, because it would only help her sustain.  Had we done enough? Did we make the right decision? What if the naysayers were right?

I was agony for hours and hours.  I tried to make my mind wander but it stayed. As darkness came, my anxiety increased; it dove deeper into the pits of my stomach and tugged on my faith.  I felt weary, like I just finished running a marathon. I wanted to go as far away as I could but I couldn't leave her. We were in this together.

The doctor emerged. All night I watched families go into this door and come out with their lives changed. Some for better, others needed more prayers.

"Surgery went well" Dr. Ohye said to us.  Each person with us rejoiced. Hugs were given, praises went up. We were all so grateful.

HE was there. Once again I saw one set of Footprints. HE had carried us through. Most importantly HE answered my prayers.

July 5, 2012 will forever be one of the most important dates in my adult life.

My Trisomy 18 daughter underwent open heart surgery and survived.

So much has happened in the last 3 years. We have had good times and bad. We still have a long way to go but today I'm happy to be celebrating her victory once again.
Mommy seeing her HERO for the 1st time post surgery..... Amazed at her strength 7-5-12

So small, but so STRONG! 7-5-12

3 years LATER

Such a pretty little girl..... 7-5-15

Happy Heart Day MYLAH!!! 7-5-15

Friday, May 29, 2015


D. The most important properties of steel are great formability and durability, good tensile and yield strength and good thermal conductivity. As well as these important properties the most characteristic of the stainless steel properties is its resistance to corrosion

The traditional gift for an 11th wedding anniversary is steel. On Saturday, May 29th, 2004 I stood in front of friends and family and accepted into a union with my then finance'.  Him, 27. Me, 23. 

Young, unbothered, free spirited, eager, determined, and looking towards our future together. 

In our first year of marriage I went back to my parents house. Twice. The third time I just slept on the couch at home and some nights he did. After the second time leaving, I said I wouldn't call my parents or leave every time we argued. I wanted to work on our problems. 

There were days when I wasn't sure we would make it to our 5th. It was new for the both of us. Raised by my mother and father; his grandmother and grandfather were responsible in his upbringing. I was the oldest of 3 girls and he was the only child. I was outgoing, he preferred to be home.  

The most important properties of steel are great formability and durability. Formability is an evaluation of how much deformation something can undergo before failure.  If something is durable it is able to withstand wear, pressure, and damage. The tensile strength is the maximum amount of stress you can place on something before it breaks. Corrosion can be defined as degradation of something due to a reaction with the environment

Steel-Strong & Durable. A great representation of what our marriage has been for the last 11 years.  We have been through some tough times and I'm sure more hard days will come, but the tensile strength of our marriage is secured by GOD. What has broken many unions and could have dissolved ours has forced us to love each other more. When traveling through married life, its normal to want to do the opposite of what your spouse prefers but its better to compromise and share an understanding and appreciation of the sacrifices one makes for the other. 

Bringing together individuals from different backgrounds will involve tension of some sort. If left unaddressed, that tension can create an environment where love cannot thrive and life cannot not survive in a loveless union. 

Outside influences will adversely affect the union if they are allowed to dwell; which could lead to the corrosion of the bond that joins the two lives. 

Marriage is not easy. It is something that takes years to work on. Those who have been joined for over 20 years will say that they work on their marriages daily. Weddings are the ceremony that brings the two lives together, but after the wedding is over the marriage remains. Work Hard. Love Harder. Don't be to proud to say you are sorry. Admit when you are wrong. Express your love often. Have FUN! 

Pray. Pray. Pray. 

The third person in the marriage should be GOD, not his mother & not your father and not your friends. Take all your cares and worries to GOD in prayer. Pray together. Pray separately. Husbands, pray for your wives. Wives, pray for your husbands. GOD will keep you just as he has kept us. 

I am thankful for the last 11 years that I have shared with Juwan. I am grateful for both the good times and the bad times. I am thankful for the arguments and the disagreements. I cherish the memories that we've created and I look forward to the memories to come. 

Happy 11th Anniversary Juwan! 

Sunday, May 10, 2015


Nurture. Care. Discipline. Mentor. Lead. Cheer. Advocate. Teach. Love.

Just a small list of what mothers do each day.

Being a mother is the hardest job I've ever had, but it is the most rewarding.

I remember the emotions from 5 years ago. Feeling lonely, lost, confused, and defeated. I wondered if motherhood was even in the plan for me. At one point I accepted the fact that GOD had a different blueprint for my life than what I thought he had. When Juwan and I were trying to conceive, each month the negative pregnancy tests would steal away the joy & hope that I held on to.
Mother just wasn't a title that I was supposed to have and after almost 2 years, I was starting to be okay with that.

Finding out about Mylah was one of the best days of my life. I had become accustomed to the negative results, that I couldn't accept the positive outcome. I recall not coming to terms with the fact that I was carrying a child until that fateful anatomy ultrasound appointment.

Some people may not realize it but mothering doesn't start at birth, it begins way before conception for some. When a woman is doing things to help prepare her body to carry a child; taking vitamins, eating healthy, exercising, and trying to educate herself, she is already mothering.

Mothering is not easy. It takes sacrifice and dedication. It means going places that we may not want to go, and for some it could mean inside the hospital walls.

Mothering is rewarding. It's rewarded in the accomplishments of your child. When they learn to say their ABC's, spell their name, recite an Easter speech that you've help them practice for weeks. When your son graduates at the top of his class, or your daughter is a stand out athlete, mom's are celebrated too.

Mothering brings about a range of emotions. Some good, some bad, but LOVE is available unconditionally. Moms know about mistakes and heartbreak. Mama knows what it means to never give up and that tomorrow you can start all over again. Mother's know that they can never give up, even on days when it seems like she can't take anymore because you have someone looking for you to get the job done.

When GOD decided to give me the title of Mother, HE must have thought really highly of me. HE must have known that I would try my best to give her all that I could. HE knew that I would be determined to do whatever I needed to do in order to help her LIVE.  HE knew that some days I would sit and cry because I knew I may never get to hear her say my name, but HE understood that I would celebrate her every breathing moment and all her achievements both big and small.  HE appreciated the determination I would have when it came to making decisions about her well being. HE knew she would be perfect for me.

GOD chose each mother for their children because HE knew that one needed the other. Our children teach us how to love and have patience. They show us how to enjoy life and rejoice in the small moments.

Mothering is about teaching, but it is also about learning.

Learning to love, live, hope and dream.

Mothering is knowing that you have done all you can and that when you release your children to the world, each day someone encounters a direct reflection of you and your years of hard work and dedication.

Happy Mother's Day to all those with the title of Mother. To those women who have stepped up in the absence to fill in the gap. To those women who sacrifice daily so that their children can do great things in their own lives. I applaud you!

Today is not a joyous day for many. Some women are longing to become a mother and struggling with infertility. Many are struggling with the reality of losing children to miscarriage or abortion.  I pray that your season of peace is upon you.

To those mothers whose children have been given their wings. I pray that memories of time spent finds you and grants you peace today.

To those children who no longer have their mothers here with them. I pray that you search in your heart today and hear the sweet whisper of your mothers voice in your ear tell you that she is always with you each and every day.

May God Bless YOU!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Worthy of Life... Worthy of Celebrating. HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY MYLAH!

"No Regrets for Choosing Life for our Trisomy Baby" 

I have no regrets. None. If the hands of time were to turn back again, my decisions would be the same. 

Today we celebrated 3 years of LIFE. Life that some were so sure would never come to be. Life that was deemed as unworthy and incompatible. Death was guaranteed though her heart beat with the rhythm of God's favor. 
3 years ago, I was facing an abundance of emotions. Those emotions have since changed. Sadness became happiness, worry has transformed into an eagerness to learn, anger manifested into passion for advocacy in speaking for those who have no voice, and fear increased strength in me I never knew I had. 

3 years ago, we were so unsure. We didn't know if we would get to celebrate milestones or be proud of accomplishments. We were not sure if "normal" was going to be something that we lived daily. It was hard during those times. We wanted to stay positive and faithful, but worry and negativity were sometimes right in our face. If things did not go as planned, we had an idea of how those plans would play out, but the young lady at the funeral home told us we would not need them.  As time grew closer, fear grew stronger, faith increased higher than before. 

Then GOD blessed me with my greatest joy. The happiest memory of my life. While we were fighting for her life on the outside, she had been fighting on the inside. Fighting to live. fighting to breathe, fighting to see what this world was made of.  She didn't know how cruel this world could be.. or maybe she did. GOD sent her completely prepared. He gave her favor to travel her journey. He equipped her with the resilience that only a child like her could have. He knew her in the womb and it was my womb that he placed her in. He hand picked us for one another. When one of us was down, the other was there to continue on in the race. Never looking back, only forward. Never giving up, but pushing against adversity. 
When people spoke negatively it only made us stronger and more determined to prove them wrong. 

GOD never left our side. He was there before we even started to travel this bumpy road. He knew the detours of this journey and had the road mapped well in advance. Even when we wanted to go our own way, he put us back on the trail that led to HIM. 

In the last 3 years, I have loved, prayed, cried, laughed and smiled more than ever before. I have learned what it means to Live for today and love unconditionally. 

My Dearest Mylah, 

I didn't know what was in GOD's plan for me. In you, he blessed me with joy, love, faith, strength and courage. My life is better because of you, I have purpose and hope that never fades. You have taught me so much more in the last 3 years than this world could try and teach in a lifetime. I never knew the amount of love one could give to another until I had you. 

You are the strongest person I know. Your smile makes all worries and concerns I have go away. I admire your determination and courage and I thank GOD for blessing us with each other. 

Mylah, thank you for never giving up on me. I hope you know I won't ever give up on you. 

Love your mommy. 

Sunday, March 8, 2015


We are on our way!!! I cannot believe how fast time flies! It seems like just yesterday we were told to prepare for death and here we are almost 3 years later, preparing to celebrate LIFE. 




Still Breathing. 

Heart Repaired. 

Still Beating.  







HOPE Renewed. 

Faith Restored. 

Peace Fulfilled. 

We are Blessed!

15 days...... 

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

A Million Ways to Help!

Today at work a discussion about GoFundMe pages was brought up.

This new "crowd funding" seems to have taken off.  I remember when I first became aware of GoFundMe I thought it was a pretty cool idea.  What a cool way to raise money or help support a family or cause.

Now, not so much.

I recently became aware of a page that was created by a young lady who carried a unborn child that she said had been diagnosed with a number of medical conditions and abnormalities.  She wasn't someone I knew personally, but we shared a few mutual mom friends.

What I witnessed from this mother was abuse of what these pages stand for.

I was disgusted by the constant requests for "help" and endless posts on her FB page to the link of her GoFundMe account.  When I noticed that her goal amount more than doubled I was infuriated and her explanation was not convincing or justified. I became privy to some information about this young lady using other individuals; who in my opinion really needed help themselves, & reciting and posting her sob story to anyone and any support board who would listen.

Her stories didn't really hold up all the time and it became apparent that she was using her unfortunate situation and her unborn child for financial gain.

People like her really make it hard for families and individuals who really need help.

But there are other ways that people can provide support without having to fall victim to a scam or a con artist.

Here are some ways that you can lend your support to a family of a child with special needs or a family who is really needing help during a hard time.

1. Proactively calling and doing a welfare check.  It's as simple as picking up a phone and calling so that they can hear your voice. Usually people will text and say "let me know if you need something". Honestly, the individuals probably won't. Take the extra step to reach out on your own.

2. Preparing a meal.  Hospital stays, multiple appointments among other things are physically and mentally exhausting.  Taking a family dinner is a great way to show your support. It's one less thing that someone in the home has to worry about doing and it offers a break that the family may not get often.

3. Donating to their preferred charities. It's simple and tax deductible.

4. Being great company. If your time allows just sitting and talking will allow mom or dad to escape for a little while. You may find it surprising that they would just like to hear about you and your family and what's going on in your world.  The conversation doesn't have to revolve around their child and his/her problems or issues. It's a mental break.

5. Offering to do laundry, wash dishes, run errands, or even be their chaueffer etc.   I know the laundry may be a little personal, but towels, baby clothing, bedding etc. It couldn't hurt.  Running the errands for the family(stuff still has to get done) or even driving mom/dad around to run their errands. How often are they in the passenger seat?

The list is short, but I just wanted to give some suggestions that I thought were reasonable and not too time consuming because everyones time is valuable.

I think it's a great starting point and someone may just take you up on your offer!

Monday, January 5, 2015

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These...

Even as she sleeps I find myself in awe of her beauty, her courage, her strength, and tenacity.   

Sometimes we might catch a quick smile while she naps or she may giggle in her sleep. 

 I often wonder what her dreams are made of.... 
Does she get to run, jump, and play? 

In her land of dreams is there a pretty pink bike with training wheels and pretty colorful streamers hanging from the handlebars?  
Does she wear a sparkly, pink rhinestone embellished helmet as her long legs pedal down the block all while her long ponytails blow in the wind?

Does she sing loud while she plays hopscotch and double dutch or while she splashes in puddles dressed in her matching rain coat and boots? 
Does she lie in the grass and watch the summer nights sky with her mom & dad, pointing to the big stars that move along in the sky? 

Her dreams are my dreams and my dreams are hers... 

That's what our dreams are made of....